Father's Day Part II

(pictures of dad and louis)

This is my dad.

Before Grandma died, she told me that he "would give the shirt off his back to someone who needed it. Even if he didn't have another."
That is my dad.
My dad has kind and gentle hands.
My children love him, because he plays their games....For as long as they want.
(He played with Benny at the pool this week. They poured buckets of water back and forth, for 40 minutes straight.)
He pulls starbursts out of my kids ears. He covers every leftover with tinfoil. He supports every 7 year old, lemonade-selling entrepreneur. He loves his mom...And frequently visited her, to play a good game of Rook. He loves his dad. And frequently visits his grave to feel closer to him. Someday, when he is gone, I will miss my "dad gifts:" Like matchboxes from the hotel he stayed at last, or sunset texts from his long, work drives.

I have a good dad.
I love him.

Father's Day Part I

While I was pregnant with Benny, Brandon took the boys to the zoo.
This monkey was B's favorite exhibit.
He described it, something like this: "We came up to this big, ratty monkey. It was alone, perched on the limb. It had a big bald spot on the top of it's head...and the rest of the hairs were sticking up all over." When he read the plaque description, he realized that the reason being, was that the male monkeys in that species, were in charge of carrying their babies on their heads. They were so diligent in their task, it wore off their fur. He felt a little sentimental about it. And I know, it is because he can relate to that kind of caring, diligent loyalty.

Happy Father's Day B.

B's first picture in fatherhood. Brandon and Lou.

Brandon and DJ.

Brandon and Benny.

And some of my favorites...

The Big Horn Sheep

The other day, my brother, (whom lives in our basement) came out in the morning to go to work...

And saw a Big Horn Sheep in our backyard!

I was surprised. Especially, as from what I understand, it is an Endangered Species.

Although deer are a frequent appearance here, a Big Horn Sheep seems to be as familiar to me as a picture spread in a National Geographic.

It has provoked me to think about this animal.

This animal not only live on rocky ridges, and cliff ledges, they can scale the slippery, sharp, jagged rocks. Today, human beings use a system of latches, ropes, and pulleys to do what this animal can with HOOVES. I recall an IMAX film I saw once, of a helicopter view of the top of a rigid, snowy mountain. Along the highest, most jagged point, a Big Horn Sheep made it's way.

The hooves are hard on the outside, and soft and gripping on the inside. When they have a threat (and it is usually over a mate), they face it head on. (Sometimes running at full speed of up to 30 mile/hour.) Their thick skulls protect them. Their horns defend them.


Ancient Indian's believed that animals brought meaning into their lives. That the characteristics of that animal could teach you something that would help you out in your own journey.

In Indian totems the appearance of a Big Horn Sheep represents this:

"Bighorn sheep’s message is that of new beginnings. If you have this animal for your power ally, have confidence in your powers to land safely on your feet, in most circumstances. The spiral horn symbolizes your creativity, energy, and endurance. You can initiate new projects and have the strength to complete them. Defend your territory and test your strength, but do not lock horns just to prove your point. Think before you act. Stay in balance with your environment by hiking ,walking, or climbing. Take a class to expand your mind and use your imagination to reach new heights of achievement. Seek new opportunities in your work and relationship areas. Now is a good time to make changes . You can accomplish a lot if you are prepared. "

I like it.
And I'll take it.

The Chicken or the Egg

Recently we cared for our neighbors chickens.
Lou wanted so badly to keep the eggs and
watch them "turn into chicks."
I explained how it works, but he seemed
determined to "take care of them." (like shuttling them around in the back of a grass-filled, toy dump truck, while chatting with the little embryos...)

A few minutes later, I spotted him making a "nest" in the sandbox.
Turn around....and SIT.

To his surprise!

First Words

My children's official
FIRST WORDS:

Louis- "light"
DJ- "pi-der" (spider)
Benny- "tee" (tree)

The Good Ol' Days

I found these old family pictures this week of my mother, older brother, and I.

A Lover. And a Mother.

A couple of years ago we tried to into change life insurance policies. To our surprise, after the routine blood work exam, we were denied.
Denied!? It was quite a shock.

The denial was based on Brandon's "high liver enzymes."
High liver enzymes?

What does that mean?

It meant that his liver was sick. And after further tests, that he had a condition called NASH.

For months, I fret, grieved, worried, and searched for a little solace that the largest major organ in my 28-year old husband's body was not 'working right.' Growing up with a mother with chronic health problems, and being employed in the hospice field - did not ease my tension, or image of a possible future.
We are young. We are parents. We are together. And I didn't want to loose any of that earlier than - well, living a "great" life, raising our family together, and then dying months apart in old age. The Doxey, Romanticist's happily ever after.

The cure? Change of lifestyle.
Comforting, and, as a spectator, difficult.
"Lifestyles" don't permanently change overnight.

And even as great as he was doing, my impatience in hovering in the RED ZONE often got the best of me. Mostly (I hope, hon) in my mind. And fears.
All of the sudden, any of his "un"-changing lifestyle choices put sharp pressure on my already tense heart. And conflict in my worried mind.

That is when I realized.
I am your Lover.
Me.
That is it.
And that,
Is the most important thing,
I want you to know me as.
There are a million other people who can do a million other things for you.

But, I am-
Your Lover.

Not your Dietitian.
Not your Spiritual Leader.
Not your Physician.
Not your Teacher.
Not your Answer.
Not your Calendar.
Not your Therapist.
Not your Expert.
Not your Savior.
Of course, if you need that from me, and I have it to give-
it's yours.

But if it fights for the top.
It has to go.

Lovers love.
And I have the privilege
To be yours.

**********************************************************

I am having had a similar epiphany as my role as a mother.

One of my son's learned how to ride a bike.
And graduated from preschool.
All in one week.

And he is off. With a new freedom, and a new independence.
Uncharted mothering territory for me.

As mothers, we naturally incur many roles for our kids.

We are their Dietitians.
We are their Sleep Authority. (Who knew this doesn't come natural?)
We are their Teachers.
We are their Calendar.
We are their Answer.
We are their Physician.
We are their Therapist.
We are their and Spiritual Leader.
We are their Educational Instructor.
We are their Expert.
We may even try to be their Savior.

At least for a little while, and to some degree.
It naturally happens like that.
Whether we want all these roles, or are ready, they are ours.
It is great, validating, and scary.
So I spend a lot of time learning "how to be a mom."
Or in other words, (according to above roles), "how to be their_______."

Their future, healthy independence depends on it.
I've thought.

But I have a conflict.
Sometimes my efforts come at a price.
The price of loosing love.

And now,
Just as before-
I realize.

I am Your Mother.
Me.
That's it.
And that is the most important thing
I want you to know me as.
More than your Dietitian.
More than your Sleep Authority.
More than your Teacher.
More than your Calendar.
More than your Spiritual Leader
More than your Therapist.
More than your Educational Instructor.
More than your Expert.

There are plentry of people who can give you plenty of other things.

But I am-
Your Mother.
All my sacrifice, work,
and thought,
I give
Will be for naught,
If it is at the cost of my Love.

So I have determined.
Everything to do is,
Inescapable, real, and great-
But,
The greatest thing, I wish to be to my boys.
Is
Love.

So much harder to do then say, write,
or wrap in a bow.
But the greatest desire of my heart.

A Mothers Love.

wings of forgiveness.

Had to go
Across the water
Just to find
What was here in my heart all along
Spend so much time
Trying to be right
That I was dead wrong

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors
Surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Had to run
To the arms of curiosity
Just to find
What was here in my life all along
I had found that the art of simplicity
Simply means making peace of your complexity

If Gandhi can forgive persecution
Surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I've searched for romance
Flowers and affection
What I found is a lesson
Of what love really is
Found the game of love is
Not about how much you can take
In fact authentic love is about
How much you can give

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I forgive you
(thank you for teaching how to give)
And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give

I took a swim
In the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself in an island
In the middle of nowhere
In my solitude
I asked to know the highest truth
And what I was told
Is to let own self be true

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion
Surely we can survive and find resolution

Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You're only human
Let's shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high, and fly high
Let's keep it moving
Let's shake free this gravity of commitment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through
I just want you to know
That I still love you
I want you to know
That I still love you
And I wanna let you know how much you changed my life
I wanna let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I'm better cuz you taught me how to give.

-written by India Aire

vegetable planting chart

April:
Asparagus, Beans, Beets, Broccoli, Cabbage, Carrots, Lettuce, Onions, Peas, Potatoes,Spinach, Strawberries, Basil,Chives,Sesame, Sage

May:
Cucumber, Beans, Peppers, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Sweet Corn, Pumpkins, Squash, Tomatoes, Potatoes, Watermelon

June:
Cucumber, Brussels Sprouts,Beets, Squash

paradise

Victory of the BEAN!

I post my recipes in "Pickles and Rice" on the right...but this one MADE MY DAY! It is GLUTEN-FREE (YAAY!), and GOOD. And theoretically, has got to be pretty high in protein. Try it out! Come use my grinder if you want to make some bean flour!

WHITE BEAN CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
(I ground some regular, uncooked white beans, and used the bean flour.)



Mix together:
1 1/4 c sugar
3 T Instant Clear Jel

Add, and cream well:
3/4 c shortening
3 eggs

Add, and mix well:
2 T vanilla
1 T molasses
2 1/2 c white bean flour
1 1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt

Add:
1 c chocolate chips

Scoop 12 balls onto a 9X13 greased cookie sheet.
Bake at 350 degrees for 9 minutes. DELICIOUS!

Yields: 2 dozen cookies.

King and Queen of Grains

Since my son was diagnosed with a wheat intolerance- we have been on the constant prowl for other options. Making things from scratch, with gluten-free flours is finally getting fun, and relieving. This information is from a handout from the Kitchen Kneads store was insightful, and their prices on grains are extremely competitive!



Wheat
King of grains and ranks first in nutritional value. Rich in protein minerals, and Vitamin E. Vitamin E is most powerful element for heart, muscles, reproductive system. Builds strong muscles, tones kidneys. Helps brain and nervous system and emotional stability. Chinese say it nourishes the heart and mind.

Millet
Queen of the grains, complete food, all essential amino acids, high in minerals, especially calcium, more vitamins than any other grain. Alkaline and easy to digest. Builds superior health and physique. Helps kidneys, stomach, spleen and pancreas. Best grain for Candida.

Brown Rice
High in B Vitamins, thiamine, niacin, riboflavin, potassium, carbohydrates, phosphorous, magnesium, and calcium. Great body builder. Good for bones, teeth, nervous system, mental depression, nausea, diarrhea, diabetes, summer heat. Decreases lactation. Raw rice, chewed thoroughly in morning helps expel worms.

Barley
Calcium, iron, and protein. Good for nerves, muscles, spleen, pancreas. Keeps joints limber, laxative. Helps edema, fatigue, heat, candida, and weak stomach.

Corn
Magnesium, iron, proteins, carbohydrates, and potassium. Magnesium helps the bowel necessary for good tone in the intestinal tract. Good for heart, stomach, teeth, gums, increase appetite. Drink as tea for kidney disease.

Rye
Muscle builder, Vitamin E, phosphorous, magnesium. Good for heart, muscles, liver, reproductive system, gallbladder, spleen, pancreas, digestive system, vessel and plaque calcification. Sprouted - natural fluoride. Broth - migraine headaches.

Oats
Thiamin, niacin, riboflavin, protein, fat, iodine, calcium. Good for muscles, brain, spleen, nerve structure, pancreas., reproductive system, bones and connective tissue. Removes cholesterol. Poultice - relieves itching. Tea - strengthens immunity, prevents infections, and contagious disease.

Buckwheat
Rich n minerals and vitamins, Vitamin E, B, Complex, starch, fat, protein, and Rutin. Strengthens arterial walls, reduces blood pressure and assists in relieving varicose veins. Cleans and strengthens intestines, dysentery, and diarrhea. Rutin - antidote against X-ray and other radiation and helps stop paralysis in case of stroke.

Amaranth
High protein and calcium. Contains more calcium than milk and is utilized efficiently. Helpful for nursing or pregnant women, infants, children, or those who do heavy physical work.

Quinoa
Cousin of amaranth with same nutritional qualities. Highest protein content of all grains.

Spelt & Kamut
Both are ancient wheats but the majority of gluten-sensitive individuals can eat them without adverse side effects.

To You: Twin Tower.

My friend Audrey and I were nicknamed the "twin towers" in high school.
Mainly, I think, for our height.
And, of course, to us, the fact that we have almost everything in common.

That was then:
Single, boy crazy, skinny dipping, ocean longing, travel-loving teenagers, figuring out how to grow up.










And this is now:
Married, husband admiring, child rearing, motherhood experiencing, life living us.


This post is dedicated to you Aud.
A person who can always find what she looks for.
A friend that never changes, is always true, and is always a blast to vacation with.

OREGON.

FROM CHAOS TO CALM

I can never forget a description my husband's coworker described of his wife:

Their toddler woke up....ALL NIGHT LONG.
Finally, after the final episode - she came back into the room, faced the bed,
and bounced her head off the mattress.
Over and over again.
Over and over and over...
Like a crazy person.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Let's be honest. If you've had sleepless children, you can't help but feel smothered in empathy. And laughs (some of relief,) that you are not the only crazy person out there!

Now, my first (okay, second- to sleeplessness), head-banging sessions were directly linked to my first attempts to discipline. I'm not convinced that spanking makes me, or my kids, what I want to be...so, I did time-out. Along with talking, reasoning, and explaining.

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

It was fine, and pretty effective...Until I created little escape artists, room trashers, and mommy-exploding makers.

I couldn't get a handle on our chaos. I felt swamped with resistance about EVERYTHING. Teeth brushing, getting dressed, eating, sleeping, going to school, maybe even breathing. I was pregnant, exhausted, and kind of wanted to kill my kids all the time. (My sweet little babies!)

THE CHAOS WAS MAKING ME CRAZY.
And my inability to get a handle on it, made me EVEN CRAZIER!

At the time my friend Jill recommended this:



And it has changed my life.
I read the first half, and heard choirs of angels belting emancipation. And after implementing it,
basked in IMMEDIATE results.
No charts, stickers, or hoops to jump through.
Just raw empowerment.

It is the ONLY parenting book I have ever related to, agreed with, and think is absolute magic. For every stage. Every age. And all of my desires as a mother.

It certainly deserves a post today.

It sits by my Bible.

I love it.
Love me as a mom more.
Love my kids more.
And even love my own mommy more.

You beautiful book.

"BEYOND TIMEOUT. FROM CHAOS TO CALM." by Beth Grosshans

little boys. little boys.

I was browsing some pictures tonight.
I am feeling rather nostalgic.
My boys are growing up.

Lou:









DJ:










Benny: